A while back these sorts of posts were saved for different pages, but nowadays the lines of definition are blurred, so here I am, blending a bit more.
I've done a lot of traveling over the last few days. Some of it emotional, but most of it mental.
The via's were varied.... my mother gossiping to me (a harsh word, but that's how it felt to me) about how a child we know and love is only on fifth grade math - ! - "I am not impressed by that information," I told her, "And neither and I depressed by it." I was disappointed that she didn't 'get it' and get Me better than that.
And I was bummed about politics, for a bit. I don't have loads of people in my Friends list on fb, so I don't get too riled up, :), but once in a while....
I watched Waiting for Superman, and was bummed that something I've so easily walked away from in disdain seems like a matter of others' Last Hope. The one last chance to change their lives, their experience. A bit angry that The System (as bureaucratic, detached, and unfeeling as it is) can make people see it as more powerful than themselves.
And, you know, since I was there already, I watched Children Underground. Which is about the effects of the Romanian dictator Nicolei Ceaucescu's outlaw of birth control because he wanted to increase his country's workforce... leaving kids uncherished, unwelcome at home, and sniffing 'paint' (some sort of toxic fuminess from what I could figure out) while living in the subway. Yeah. Didn't cry over that one though, oddly enough. But I sure felt sick and dizzy for several hours afterward. (I suspect I was getting sort of detached to these things by this point. Self preservation, maybe. :) )
And then yesterday I watched Discovery Atlas : China -- which was sometimes cool, again surprising, and somewhat disturbing. (Facial reconstruction in order to be promoted in a dog-eat-dog world? Children having no choices?)
That one I was also able to smile at, when the young gymnast was so certain "Everyone wants to be a gold medal Olympic champion... Everyone wants to be the very best in the whole world at what they do..." :). No. Not everyone does.
Now this part isn't new or revealing to me--I've known for a long, long time -and been thankful for it- that different people want different things.
People have different priorities, different passions, different ways of living their best lives... or not.
That is something that I've long celebrated, actually.
I believe that it's a sort of welcomed godly expression, if you will. Beautiful and right.
While I may sometimes get very annoyed by it, it is still something that I largely respect.
Now you might think that this was all about "wallowing", or a sort of soul sinking. But it really wasn't. (And just so you know, these were not the documentaries I was referring to that I watched with the children! :) )
It was, I think, a sort of unintentional but not accidental travel.
Sometimes you gotta hold up different pieces of reflective glass in order to make sure you're still shining in the right spot.
Make sure you're not just hangin' out in the same place because it's easy. Make sure it's really Who You Are, and not that you're remaining there by default.
I've also asked a few rounds of questions this weekend... assessing.
I do it pretty often, as you may know, as it's important to me to check in with my two babies... make sure there's nothing I've missed or ignored.
I think I asked several questions over the last few days (phrasing and digging in different ways), but the one I s'pose I really wanted to know was "What would be your top five things--things that every day should have? Things that make you happy?"
learn a cool new thing every day
good food (first he said 'a good dinner', but later added 'a good breakfast, so we changed this to be 'good food') :)
playing with my family
health (healthy foods, healthy people)
...after these four, she started repeating. :)
And their Mama?
curiosity (interest, engagement, seeking)
some sort of personal physical Doing--scrubbing, swimming, biking, walkiing, exercising
being expansive--responding well to the needs of the day
Right after this discussion, I was really just thinking 'Happy' and 'Joyful'.
It always comes down to that with me, doesn't it?
I just really want a happy, joyful, playful, loving, laughing, seeking, creative, thriving home. And family.
Sometimes a girl can ask herself (such as the last few days) if this is a frivolous pursuit.
And then she stops for a second, and in the in between gets on facebook for a sec, and sees a beautiful picture, and the words "Pay attention to poetry. Pay attention to music. Pay attention to paintings and sculpture and photo exhibits and ballets and plays. Why? Because art is God's way of saying hello. Your world is shouting out to you, revealing something intrinsically glorious about itself. Listen carefully. Love art, the way art loves life. Don't let this all go unnoticed." Neale Donald Walsch.
So I hear my babes words of what makes them happy and fulfilled, and I see how easily they mix with my own deepest wishes, and I think, "Yes."
Yes, I'm quite alright with living for Joy.
And for spiritual stretching.
I feel really, really good about wanting to be ever expansive,
and about being grateful,
and for celebrating beauty,
and I'm quite okay with placing at the very top of my list all of these lovely things that fill my heart, and make me happy.
I am quite satisfied to define for myself what my Shine is, and to live, love, and reflect from that shining place.