Monday, March 07, 2011

the soul of sunday : liberation

While listening to one of my lectures on my ipod yesterday, I stopped at one I've never listened to, and heard the word "Pivoting".

Might not sound like much to you, but it made perfect sense -and felt rather synchronistic- to me.

There are certain things I know about myself, and some of those include knowing that my personal rhythms have much to do with the earth's rhythms. So many times She beckons, and I come running. Or She quietens, and I go within.
Related to that is the waxing and waning of the seasons.
I'm not a girl who thrives on change - I don't need extraordinary circumstances to take me far out of myself in order to grow. I consider that upheaval, and it is not something I appreciate.
But the changing of the seasons....

Eric says it's always this way with me. This desperation for life, I guess he means.
I do okay appreciating winter for what it is, and then Mama Nature flashes me another What Is, and (What Will Be) and it's like I wake up with a long slow blink, and all I can do is stammer, "Oh. Oh, my."
And that's what happened a few weeks ago. She woke me up, and I've been feeling somewhat petulant and grumbly ever since. Muttering damnations under my breath at Her for snatching that particular Bliss from me so quickly and thoroughly. (She and I go way back. She doesn't mind my grumbles.)

The problem is that I'm an Appreciator.
I believe in celebrating the Now, and loving the present. So this frantic eagerness for something that isn't a part of my present experience (and that I can't do a damn thing about) doesn't sit well with me. I don't believe in an elusive, "If Only" happiness. I believe in This.

So what to do?
Alter those thoughts a little.

Not in a "Oh, yes! I can celebrate -yet another- dark, gray, cold day!!" but rather take cues from my children who aren't asking for anything and just grab a bucket of dinosaurs and a spoon and head to the berm in the front yard and start digging and creating their world.

I can sigh, and just open up the damn door anyway.

the den

I can ask myself Why?, and imagine the feelings of being swept clean, and liberated, and revived... and by even imagining those feelings, I feel them, and it becomes a part of my experience.

Prob'ly by the time I get this all worked out, it will be May. Think you?

* * *

This post goes to The Soul of Sunday.


  1. Oh, I think you'll figure it out before May ;)

    Funny you should write liberated. We got our biggest snowstorm in 4 years last night, and it's still snowing hard. I could use a little liberating myself - I can't wait to throw open the door!

    But not today. The snow is blocking it. So rejoice in your little liberations for both of us ok? And keep writing them, so I can know there's hope... it's getting a bit desperate around here!

  2. Your post made me smile :)

    Those little thoughts, exactly.

    I hope whatever came through the door was enjoyable for you. I look forward to the time I can do the same.


  3. "I can sigh, and just open up the damn door anyway."
    That's the ticket, isn't it? Or at least it is for me. Sometimes the *motion* has to precede the *emotion*.
    If I always wait to act until I "feel like it" I won't get much done, that's for sure.
    It's a tough time of year, this teasing season. Hard to live in the present when you're thinking about all of the good things just around the corner.

  4. Had a little 'Soul of Sunday' moment myself here:

    though never quite as eloquent as you :)

  5. I keep thinking about this post, Stephanie. All day yesterday it kept popping into my head. Different parts. The wanting. The pivoting (which relates so much to what I've come to call 'Finding the Flip Side'). The opening of the door…

    All of it resonated…all of it, flickering around my insides like a firefly. I so get it. I also want to live in my Now, get rattled when If Only comes and sits close by, shadows my precious in the moment moments. So, thank you, Stephanie. I loved what you wrote, how you wrote it. Always do.

    And yes, I'm sure you'll work it out by May! But I'm also so grateful you're sharing the journey here, as you figure things out, and find your way through.

  6. Well...I've been experiencing this exact thing lately. Maybe you aren't surprised. :)

    On FB the other day lots of people were complaining about the end of winter and how they wanted spring and why couldn't it stop snowing already. Hmmm...I thought. I sat with it a bit. I was at the end of my rope a while ago with regards to winter - like in January. But now I'm quite content and it's been snowing like the dickens here. :)

    I've made peace to enjoy what is right before me because it is all we have. This. Very. Moment. I can long for spring (which I love) but I know that spring turns into summer (which I don't love because it is too damn hot and humid for my liking) and then the cycle just repeats itself...fall, winter, spring, summer. We must enjoy where we are so that we can appreciate what is to come. Does that make sense?

    I love all you share. Thank you, dear friend. xoxo


Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!