Might not sound like much to you, but it made perfect sense -and felt rather synchronistic- to me.
There are certain things I know about myself, and some of those include knowing that my personal rhythms have much to do with the earth's rhythms. So many times She beckons, and I come running. Or She quietens, and I go within.
Related to that is the waxing and waning of the seasons.
I'm not a girl who thrives on change - I don't need extraordinary circumstances to take me far out of myself in order to grow. I consider that upheaval, and it is not something I appreciate.
But the changing of the seasons....
Eric says it's always this way with me. This desperation for life, I guess he means.
I do okay appreciating winter for what it is, and then Mama Nature flashes me another What Is, and (What Will Be) and it's like I wake up with a long slow blink, and all I can do is stammer, "Oh. Oh, my."
And that's what happened a few weeks ago. She woke me up, and I've been feeling somewhat petulant and grumbly ever since. Muttering damnations under my breath at Her for snatching that particular Bliss from me so quickly and thoroughly. (She and I go way back. She doesn't mind my grumbles.)
The problem is that I'm an Appreciator.
I believe in celebrating the Now, and loving the present. So this frantic eagerness for something that isn't a part of my present experience (and that I can't do a damn thing about) doesn't sit well with me. I don't believe in an elusive, "If Only" happiness. I believe in This.
So what to do?
Alter those thoughts a little.
Not in a "Oh, yes! I can celebrate -yet another- dark, gray, cold day!!" but rather take cues from my children who aren't asking for anything and just grab a bucket of dinosaurs and a spoon and head to the berm in the front yard and start digging and creating their world.
I can sigh, and just open up the damn door anyway.
I can ask myself Why?, and imagine the feelings of being swept clean, and liberated, and revived... and by even imagining those feelings, I feel them, and it becomes a part of my experience.
Prob'ly by the time I get this all worked out, it will be May. Think you?
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This post goes to The Soul of Sunday.